Wednesday, July 23, 2014

Phew, that was quick.

In November, when we found out we were having a baby we couldn't wait.  And then time craaawwwllleeed by.  The first 20 weeks were dreadfully slow.  We waited the longest 13 weeks ever to tell anyone.  We waited even longer to tell everyone.  Time. Stood. Still. 

Now, here we are... at 38 weeks... and I'm wondering where the heck did time go?!?! How is it even POSSIBLE that we are one week away from our induction date. 

Yes. One week.  7 days.  168 hours.  

Say what?!????

As we've grown nearer our induction date, we've been hit with lots of 

You must be so excited!!
Are you nervous yet?

I bet you can't wait to see her sweet face. 
Are you ready?

And my response to all of those comments has been something like "lkasjfoiiajef...incomprehensible reply... stumbling and mumbling over my lack of words..lkasjfl..."   I have had a real difficult time putting my feelings into words -- or even making any personal sense of my feelings lately, but with one week left... Patrick and I have decided to try to express how we're feeling.  Here goes. 

From Samantha

One week. One week until we get to meet our little girl.  While most women at this point in their pregnancy are screaming "GET THIS BABY OUT OF ME!" and doing everything in the book to try to induce labor, I'm not. Not me.  No siree!  Everyone keeps asking if we're ready, and I can honestly say I have no idea.  The ONLY real answer I've gotten from any doctor this whole time is that our daughter is safe inside me.  That her heart function would be just fine as long as she remained in the womb.  So to let her out of there... well, sheesh!  That's kinda scary!  How does someone prepare for that?  How is anyone ready to expose their child to danger?  At the same time, I also know that she can't have surgery until we welcome her to this scary world.  And she can't get better without surgery.  It's all part of that "new reality" that we're dealing with.  Up until now, our reality has only been changed by news, by words and pictures.  I've gone to a few thousand extra appointments, I've spent hours of my life reading, I've spoken with doctors.  Soon, though, our reality will change in BIG ways.  It won't just be words and pictures... it will be NICUs, cardiologists, surgeries.  Real stuff.  So, no, I guess I'm not really ready, but at the same time, I am, because the only way to move is forward.  How's that?  Could I make any less sense?  

From Patrick

Only seven more days until I get to meet my daughter! I can't wait! Well as most of you know there are very few things that Sam and I are on the same page about other than post-dinner runs to Dairy Queen.  The way we approached coping with Sawyer is no different. I have always been very good at bottling up emotion and making it through whatever obstacle I was faced with, but the last 7 months has been more than trying when it comes to that strategy. From the time we knew about Sawyer's condition I was very hopeful that she would get better, partly because I was grossly uneducated about her heart and secondly because I didn't want to feel scared and heartbroken. We have had many people tell us that they are praying for us and I believe in the power of prayer, but I think sometimes you know that even though a million people are praying for you, there is a journey you are about to embark on that God has planned. So to come back to the point, I am so excited to have this waiting phase out of the way. I think once Sawyer is here, I will be able to focus on the next diaper to be changed and if she needs a bottle instead of dwelling on the things that she won't be able to do. Sawyer has also inspired me to start a foundation to help other families who are going through the same thing we are, and after she is born I am anxious to start working on building it up! I'm calling it #Heartstrong so if you see me using this hashtag on Facebook or Instagram just know I'm trying to build up some rep! As always we want to thank everyone for their continued support and well wishes. They go a long way!


  1. Samantha, I am a 1st grade teacher, but I taught Kinder for 15 years. I found out in Feb that I was going to be a grandma for the 1st time. I was over the moon. In July my daughter and her husband found out that their little baby has HLHS as well. Your blog has touched my heart beyond measure. It is no mistake that I found your journey today and I read your every word. My daughter and I have discussed your same hurts and worries. I will be praying for you this week and the following weeks as you begin this life changing road. Our little guy is due November 12. I will be reading your blog and keeping up with you as you begin your journey. One day at a time and God will hold you all closely. Please know that Sawyer and Teddy will be prayed for daily by this grandma. PS My son-in-law just retired from the Navy.

    1. If you or your daughter need anyone to talk to... feel free to email me! I will be praying for you all. This is not an easy road to travel, but it is one that we are strong enough to handle! Even when we don't feel like it.